Brian Zafron: I Eat Web 2.0 for Breakfast

Ever since I was a young teenager with a combined five hairs under my armpits, my friends and I have enjoyed a constant competition to create the funniest away message. Lately, I’ve been too busy to play an active role in this competition, but in the spirit of fun-loving web 2.0 and Facebook’s new instant messaging service, I’ve compiled a list of my ten favorite away messages. Thanks to my boy Josiah for generating half of these – the kid’s got a brain the size of a cantaloupe.

Without further ado, I present you with The Best 10 Away Messages Ever Written By Man, Woman, Or Asshole

10) I’m out like a fat kid in a game of dodgeball.

9) I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up a good portion of the screen. In fact, just enough to obscure your IM.

Just say: “I don’t know” to drugs.

7) Up, up, and away message.

6) Remember the time I told you you were cool? That was opposite day.

5) I’m out like Steven Hawking in a game of Twister. (I know… I’m going to hell.)

4) My other away message is a Cadillac.

3) Ask me about my away message.

2) I am not available because I am playing games with your mind. Think about that one.

1) I’m busy studying. Or as they say in the porn business, “looking at porn.”

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In the words of the 1990’s artistic sensation Vanilla Ice, I would
like to invite you to stop, collaborate, and listen.

OK, now that you have indeed stopped, collaborated, and begun to
listen, I would like to grab the mic and announce my extreme disgust for the phenomenon of the “Top 10″ list, consistently abused across the entire spectrum of social news sites. Users submit these lists like their dimebags of sweet, delicious Columbia cocaine - or “water,” as we call it in Los Angeles- and people continue to snort that coco like they’ve never tasted it in their entire lives.

But guess what? Cocaine, like Vanilla Ice, has been around the block
one too many times – and both should’ve been left in the 90s.

Why do people enjoy these Top 10 lists? Well, because they’re fun and easy. They appeal to the simple-minded, but if they’re packed with quality content, the Internet’s literary snobs, as well.

That said, I present you with an awesome Top 10 list entitled: “Top 10 Pick-Up Lines Overheard At This Year’s MacWorld Convention.”

Hey, I never said I wasn’t a sell-out.

10. Is that a MacBook Air in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
9. Most people don’t like me, but maybe you Think Different?
8. I want to rip off your clothes and make you my sex slave. What?
It’s not PC World.
7. Want some ram?
6. You’ll never meet Steve Jobs, but let me introduce you to his long
lost brother: Blow.
5. Nice iPhone. It’d look better on the floor of my room in the morning.
4. Hey. Someone farted. Let’s get out of here.
3. Want to touch my iPenis?
2. I didn’t know angels used Apple computers.
1. Want to come back to my parents’ basement with me?

 backlink: http://www.brianzafron.com/blog/?p=6