Brian Zafron: I Eat Web 2.0 for Breakfast

Put up your umbrellas, because I’m about to rain some truth on you: there exist only two types of men who’d I trust in a life or death situation. Any guesses?

 

Number one: medical professionals.

 

Number two: men with moustaches.

 

I know what you’re thinking. How is a man with a moustache, specifically because of his moustache, going to save a life? Moreover, shouldn’t a randomly positioned half-ounce of scraggly hair inspire suspicion rather than confidence?

 

In response, I’d like to direct you to exhibit A, exhibit B, and exhibit C, all listed below.

 

These three gentlemen are pillars of humanity, emblems of success, dukes of dharma: Tom Selleck, Daniel Day Lewis, and myself, your humble narrator, Brian Zafron. All of our accomplishments, and I’m sure Tom and Danny would concur, we owe to our moustaches.

 

Tom, for one, built a career out of his distinctively bristled bush, winning our hearts in Three Men and A Baby. He completely stole the film, and with all due to respect, overshadowed his co-stars. Maybe things would’ve been different for the two other men and that baby if they grew their own staches rather than rely on Tom’s facial prowess.

 

As for Danny, his amazing role in There Will Be Blood is not coincidentally his first stache-blessed adventure. He gave a stellar performance, without question, but word around town is that Oscar buzz will die the moment Danny takes the buzz to his face.

 

And lastly, there’s me. I’ve been rocking the moustache since my Junior year at Northwestern, which was the year I started making moves in the VC world. The initial moustache rocking was due to ironic urges, I confess, but after close observation of its ability to directly affect success, I now take my moustache very, very seriously. And correspondingly, I shit you not, people take me seriously.

 

Perhaps the most difficult obstacle in my entrepreneurialism is my age. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to get meetings or attempted to get a sit-down pitch in which wrinkled old executives squinted behind their glasses and asked, “How old are you, son?” My initial response, which I internalize of course, is that I’m old enough to take over your fucking company.

 

But since I began rocking the moustache, or entered “The Stache Age” as I fondly call it, people don’t ask me that question, they don’t see my age first and my ideas second. My moustache commands their respect, much like Tom Selleck’s and Daniel Day Lewis’s moustaches commanded the respect of theatrical audiences worldwide.

 

I am not trying to tell you that a moustache can guarantee VC funding. I am not even trying to tell you that a moustache will get you into the front door. All I’m saying is that if you can grow a moustache, or even buy one at a local novelty store, your life might witness some dramatic improvements.

backlink: http://www.brianzafron.com/blog/?p=10